Yesterday was a tough day, but it ended very well. I have been preparing to go to the temple again to be sealed to my beautiful wife (we were married after meeting on a LDS singles website). I had been clean from 'slip-ups' for nearly 6 months, and it seems that it is a lot easier to fall when you become comfortable.
Anyway, I went to speak to the bishop about getting a 'Temple Clearance' in order that we can get sealed after my first marriage (my first wife left me and hurt me as much as she could). I was not totally honest. After recieving a letter back from the first presedency, they had a couple of questions. The tough one was regarding how long it had been since I had last looked at pornography. It was a tough question, because I knew deep down that I had done so well for 6 months, but that just recently I had made a mistake. I also knew from my testimony that I still was progressing, even with the 'slip-up'.
It took me a long time to get to the point where I could forgive myself and move on quickly without letting a mistake take me back to square one. Before I would get mad at myself, and hold myself back. I would remove myself from god, thinking that he was mad at me. I know that isnt true now. I know he cares, and that he stands with outstretched arms.
Anyway, the point of this journal entry is to write about what I did. After getting done with work the next day, I felt horrible. I immediately texted my wife abiout what I had done, and my feelings about the situation. I then called the Bishop on his cell phone and told him that I was not totally honest. He thanked me for my honesty. Also, my wife texted me and told me she knew I was sorry, and that whe loved me. Later that day she even told me she wasnt worried one bit about it because she understood that I WAS making progress. What a wonderfull girl I have.
The hard part about it is the fact that my wife has come so far, and has made so much progress. She had her eyes set on getting sealed by a certain date comming up. We are even going back to her home state to visit family and to get sealed there. We definately would have had the sealing clearance if I had not slipped, but now we arent sure. It is tough because I dont want to let her down.
Still she supports me, and she doesn't seem to be hurt or worried. I think it is because she can actually see my progress.
Honesty is of the utmost importance.